Girl, You So Well Spoken!

i kind of love you.
so i punish you.
and you punish me for punishing you.
and we live it out [a tragic little comedy. our tragicomedy]. 

<this isn't supposed to make sense>

i once wore an american apparel shirt to an alternative apparel casting. ok, i twice wore an american apparel shirt to an alternative apparel casting. the owner noted my faux pas. i don't think my ignorance was pardoned. 

i kind of love you.
or i kind of love you loving me
(although you know that i cannot [yet?] love you
the way you would like to be loved). 
perhaps i am waiting for someone else
[to kind of love me too]
so that i can finally say,
'i win. you can love. you see?? you are, right now!' 

<this isn't supposed to make sense, do you see that now?>

did you know that red lips stain while black lips do not? no matter how hard i might scrub, i still wake up to find plum-red markings on my pillowcases and my sheets. but black lipstick is gone from my lips with a simple swipe of an olive oil soaked tissue. of course, it could also be due to the fact that my black lipstick isn't lipstick at all: it's eyeliner. 

i kind of love you.
but for now,
i only know how to kind of love you from afar.
and completely love you perhaps not at all.
and
i'm sorry.