Girl, You So Well Spoken!

50 YEARS OF MINI from one pound pictures on Vimeo.

My mother used to drive a Mini. It was brown. Then she wrecked it, and I'm pretty sure that we all cried when it was carted away. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. The Mini remains one of my favourite cars on the road, even now that I'm here in America. I plan on purchasing one some day (soon?). And yes, I will put a big obnoxious Union Jack on the top. Problem??

via LikeCool

It's been a while so let me refresh your memory. This post, and others titled identically, is dedicated to items of f*ckery around the world and web-o-sphere that are ridiculous, ludicrous, and should not exist. This is not just my opinion either folks, you know you are thinking the same thing. Observe: 

• A clump of Elvis Presley's hair, chopped off in 1958, is available for sale by auction, with an estimated sale price of between $8,000 and $12,000. They even brought in a Celebrity Hair Expert, to confirm that the strands do indeed appear to belong to "The King". ::blank stare:: I am going to gently place this gross and ridiculous piece of news in the "sh!t white people do" box. I mean, I understand being a fan of someone, but seriously?? Hair?? I pity the poor child who's parents plan on putting up a semester's worth of their tuition in favour of a dead man's hair. 
• Pamela Anderson's dress. Do I even need to speak on this?
  
  
• Dear Rihanna, I do not cosign this hairdo. It takes me to a dark place. Sigourney Weaver is there and there's lots of steam.  
  
  
•  Wale, Kid Cudi, and Drake are being crowned as GQ's "Man of the Year", proving that the key to a successful career is having the right hype-machine behind you. Did a piece of your soul just die? I'm unsure as to when these three became sartorial stand-outs. Or in what world their accomplishments even begin to match up to past "Man of the Year" winners. But who the hell am I, right?

(image by Victoria Noll)

"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say.

I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo?

The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day.

Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant: that knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying." 

seize the day. 

So I was perusing the blogosphere, and I d@mn near passed out in front of my MacBook when I spotted the above picture. There are two things I can appreciate about ESPN: Sportscenter, and their magazine's Body Issue, which featured tons of nakey celeb athletes. 

Meet Oguchialu Chijioke "Oguchi" Onyewu, a 6'4" 210lb defender for the US National team and Milan's Serie A. While you may have gathered that I have a terrible weakness for artistic-types, as a former athlete myself I can also appreciate a fine piece of soccer-playing man-meat. Try not to get lost in his abs. Or the bulging muscles on his inner thigh that I did not even know existed until now. Do yourself a favour and run to your local convenience store so you can see this image and many others in close-up, finely resolved, glossy print. 

You're welcome!

via tabloid prodigy

Last Sunday night yielded a party that only the gay and the gay at heart would appreciate. Decked out in what was flashy, ridiculous, & "you so different!", LA's strangest swarmed Bar Marmont to gyrate, drink, and vogue to the sounds of DJ Rashida, Janelle Monae, and Taz Arnold. While my very fashionable and very straight male friends didn't enjoy it, me and my girls had a blast! And yes, I did wear a vintage gold lamé romper with shoulderpads, because when Grace Jones is your idol and you've got legs for days, what else would one wear??

Observe:

more to come....