Sorry for being gone for so long...  :)

after 5 hours of wearing a half-size-too-tight pair of thigh-high pleather platform boots (a pair whose origin, according to my cramped toes, could only have been the deepest, darkest pits of hades) and the most amazing spike-adorned agent provocateur corset (pictures soon to follow), i promptly picked up the fabulous kesh so that we could grace dim mak tuesdays @ cinespace with our presence.

by promptly, i mean to say that it took me 15minutes longer than it should have because i got lost... but don't fret, i recovered quickly!

one devious parking manoeuvre (maneuver...to-may-toe/to-mah-toe/whatever) and two alley-piss pit stops later (it was a TRAGIC EMERGENCY, and if i had a willy, you would not object, so i don't want to hear anything from the peanut gallery please and thank you), we whirled into the club and dancedancedanced the night away! no, literally, we WHIRLED into the club. my feathered earring was flying about and i'm fairly certain that my left breast made at least one or two appearances, because the dance moves that began as soon as we crossed the velvet rope and kissed the bouncers hello caused my american apparel loose crop tee to do it's own thing.

the following pictures only serve to understate the amount of fun we had. but i thought you might enjoy them anyway :) 

xx

[images via thecobrasnake]

Photographer: Fred Greissing
Stylist: Adrien Rabego
Makeup: May Lindstrom
Hair: JUXTA 

[you can find also find these images in the photo gallery]

way back in february, i had the chance to shoot an editorial for tchad magazine featuring actor shawn ashmore (of "x-men" fame... scans coming soon).

the highlight of that experience? the dynamic hair & makeup duo of may lindstrom and juxta dunn [just JUXTA, if you're nasty]. equipped with organic, holisitic, 100% GREEN makeup, i felt like i was at the spa as opposed to sitting in a hair & makeup chair for a shoot. 

flash forward to 3 months later and i'm shooting with may & juxta again! this time, i left the experience with a small take-away: a powder-to-creme face mask made of bamboo charcoal, cocoa, sea salts, moroccan clay, amazonian clay, & vitamin c.

of course, i simply had to experiment with it-- and of course i had to document the experience! 

step one: application-

i mixed 1/3 of the powdery contents with water to create a chocolate mousse-like creme and applied it over my entire face. naturally, the only thing to do was smoke a cigarette whilst waiting for the mask to dry. 

step 2: let it settle

the maximum amount of time to wear the mask? approximately one hour. when first applied it feels all tingly. then, like most masks, it will give you that "i-feel-like-i-need-to-pour-an-entire-bottle-of-lotion-on-my-face" sensation. this would be a good time to give yourself a pedicure or engage in other activities that don't involve moving your mouth. 

step 3: rinse & go!

my macbook camera can't possibly do it justice, but my face feels smoother than a baby's bottom and my inner glow is shining through every pore (yes, i know it sounds corny, but i'm serious)!

that fresh and clean feeling without the harsh chemicals you'll find in your over-the-counter beauty products? yes, please and thank you!

sadly, may's amazing face mask won't make wearing those one-size-too-small pvc thigh high platforms and spiked agent provocateur corset at the wb gala i'm modeling in tonight any easier/more comfortable... but at least my face has the feel-goods!

[check may lindstrom out here and on facebook!]

i really love boston.com’s “big picture” news stories in photographs.

i saw one of the images from this story on someone's tumblr and couldn’t decide which image i wanted to re-post: the oil-soaked pelicans, or the aerial-views of the gulf of mexico.

i picked the first image, that of a dragonfly, stuck to oil-covered marsh grass, trying (in vain) to clean itself off. for some reason, a photograph of the effects of this oil spill on one of the tiniest members of that now-disrupted ecosystem seemed poignant. 

sometimes it seems like quitting my corporate job, moving out to la la land, and then deciding to be a model has made many of my friends and internet followers look at me as some kind of example of "how to pursue your dreams"... 

i know, it looks like i'm brave. and maybe i am. depending on how you look at it. honestly, i did it because i'm a bit mad. i was scared out of my mind. but when i put them side-by-side, being absolutely off my head and happy looked better than being absolutely off my head and sad. so i picked up my life and i moved it 3,000 miles to the left. with no money saved and no idea what life would look like in any other moment but the present. 

so if you want my advice on where to start or how to "do it", here it is:

you just have to go.
it is really hard to be somewhere else and try to make it happen.
you have to go to where you wanna go and be so blatantly set on succeeding that you cannot be ignored.

and you can certainly quote me on that. 

todays outfit? orange beret: united colours of benetton, grey cotton jersey t-shirt: alternative apparel, high-waisted vintage denim cut-off shorts: the cobrashop, navy leggings: h&m, 10-eye doc martens :)

earring: fly by tina gold

a closer look at the accessories: earring- fly by tina gold, necklaces- b&co and falling whistles, chain ring- wasteland, turquoise rings- bought from gypsies. lol  [and no, i didn't iron my shirt. cos i'm a "wrinkly shirt-chipped nails-last night's eyeliner" kind of girl]

now i'm off to roam the streets of la la land :)

and i'm lying in bed, wide awake, wearing black lipstick. mostly because i was too lazy to wipe it off. and not only because the general lack thereof toilet paper/paper towels/tissue of any kind in the entirety of my apartment would mean that wiping it off would be a laborious and inconvenient task... no, also because tonight i somehow succeeded in creating (with faulty eyeliner and cheap lipstick) the perfect coat and shade. no awkward patches of pink and a small amount of shine. so it's 4am, and i've still got it on. 7 hours after i first applied it in anticipation of spending the night out on the town. i never did end up going out. but good lipstick should never go to waste. i spent at least 45 minutes pouting in front of my PhotoBooth webcam. and another 10 creating a gif that accurately showcased my hard work:

[6 hours later....] and now it's "tomorrow". or "today", rather. i was going to write more than this, but of course writing about my insomnia promptly made me fall asleep. if you'll excuse me, i'm going to search for breakfast...

the clock has ticked past 3am. 

hello, insomnia. 

it's not so bad. except that with nothing but silence and the low hum and buzz of sir francis drake's air conditioning unit, the thoughts inside my head are l-o-u-d[er than ever]. 

or louder than i'd like. 

i tried counting sheep, you know. but then i realized that instead of sheep, i was counting the ways in which i missed it. your voice. The Voice. 

silly, i know. 

months ago i expressed to a mutual friend my frustration with my inability to move on. or, rather, my unwillingness to move on. his response was that it's less about "moving on" and more about "keeping it moving"... but i've done that. i'm doing that, that keeping it moving thing. but my dalliances with any of the other assorted "him"s along the way start to appear more and more like parenthetical statements. why can i not help but feel like they are simply asides; momentary breaks from my reality? and in my reality, i'm still the girl who is smitten by a "voice". his voice. your voice.  

the new boy, with whom i'm convinced i could be smitten, would i allow myself to be... does he stand a chance? is there room for him? he has a dimple. just one. in his right cheek. it's small. it's my favourite thing about him. and it reminds me of you. and that is absolutely terrible [read: pathetic]. 

so instead of counting sheep, i count possibilities and probabilities: what are the chances? what are the chances that you will one day--one day soon or one day not very soon at all--reappear? what are the chances that my phone will ring, and it will be an unassigned number, and i will say "hello?" and you will say "hello..." in return? what are the chances that when i hear that voice, your voice, the voice, my heart will not flutter faster than the wings of a butterfly? that the corners of my mouth will not turn up and into a smile, a smile whose physical existence cannot even begin to convey the elation resonating through every fiber of my being? what are the chances that i will recognize that you are back because you are selfish, and that you are simply upturning my emotional homeostasis because you desired to satisfy your caprices? what are the chances that i will remember that you are a vegetarian, and that on that day or for that week or month you've decided to eat badly, and, well, i guess i'm sort of like in&out burger in this analogy...?

what are the chances?

slim. to. none.

all of them.

and i know this.

but, still. i count the chances, and i calculate the probabilities, and i weigh the possibilities.

i was never any good at the counting sheep thing anyway. 

last night i flew into san francisco.

sir francis drake hotel, three days, two nights, per diem, plus my daily rate. 

twenty minutes ago, i stepped off my first working model runway... and i'm SO overwhelmed.

i know it's really corny, but as i walked down the runway during the show's finale, i couldn't help but feel tears well up in my eyes. i'm doing something i've always wanted to do, so long dreamed about doing, FINALLY GOT THE COURAGE TO DO, and i'm SO HAPPY TO BE HERE. knowing that this--this show in san francisco, surrounded by 23 other models, some seasoned pros, some represented in paris, london, new york, &etc--is just the beginning... knowing that, i cried tears of joy.